I wen make da empirical kine observation that women who like pretty cookies tend for like da pretty boys. Some friends said liking pretty cookies was more of a kid thing, cuz only kids like fancy cookies with sprinkles and icing. I suggested that das still in line with my theory because as kids weren't we more inclined for have a crush on someone based purely on their lookings? An'den, liking pretty cookies is not something everyone outgrows, right? Still get adults who swoon over cookies with rainbow swirls, fancy shapes and whatnot.
In order for test my theory I decided for make one scientific cookie experiment. I found two womens who I knew selected their guys based on da guy's inner qualities and one woman who wuz very visual — she flat out says, "I only go out with good-looking, tall, hapa guys."
I showed these women various pretty cookies. Like da kine with rainbow sprinkles and swirls, da kine decorated for look like cartoon characters, and da kine with chocolate drizzle and Hershey Kisses. Anʻden amongst da mix wuz Hilo's lumpy Ugly Cookies featuring Kona Potato Chips. Besides potato chips, da ting get oats, rice cereal and chocolate inside too.
Every single ting you need to know (about da test subjects)
Chloe Ludwig, 26, Star Wars superfan, Waipio ... Gentry
Chloe got togeddah with her fiance cuz she said ever so sweetly, "Awwww, he's my friend." An'den she added, "Kyley is like Yoda because he's wise and thoughtful." As predicted, Chloe found herself drawn to da Ugly Cookie. She eagerly chomped 'em down and gave 'em one thumbs up. She said da perfect cookie should be like Yoda, because "Looks matter not. Look at it. Judge cookies by looks do you?" When I revealed da premise of my experiment, tings became a little weird. She decided to take my cookie metaphor even further. All giggly she declared, "Kyley is just like this cookie because he tastes so YUMMY!" Uh-huh. I see. I reminded her I was asking how da cookie tastes, NOT how her guy tastes. Some people, TMI I tell you, boy.
Doreen Tabe, 54, librarian, Mililani ... Mauka
Doreen told me previously that she was attracted to her husband James because of his strong sense of justice. She added, "Justice is sexy because it's important to represent all of the people." When shown all da cookies, she confirmed my hypothesis. She chose da Ugly Cookie as da one she would spend forever with. She too gave 'em one thumbs up saying she loved its crispness and simplicity. She said that just like with her husband, she would "never get tired of the Ugly Cookie." Das so sweet, yeah!
Aiko Wan, 32, model/tutor/artist and owner of HakuAi Designs, Tantalus ... Lower
Aiko always tells me how she longs to be with one hot guy. When I ask her why, she says assuredly, "Because I can." As predicted, she selected da Ugly Cookie as da one she'd LEAST wanna sample. However, when forced to eat da ugly one for da purpose of scientific experimentation, she found herself pleasantly surprised. I had told her to take one, just one bite, so we can photograph her reaction, but apparently she forgot my specific direction, cuz she took three bites! So I had for tell her, Wo, wo, wo, wo. Even though it was da cookie she nevah really wanted in da first place, she gave 'em one thumbs up, saying it tasted "really delicious." Even more telling was what she said aftah da test. Knowing I nevah get for sample any of MY cookies yet, and seeing only had two more in da bag, Aiko had da gall for ask, "Could I have another one?"
Kinda seems like my theory holds up. Our girl who likes da pretty boys was really drawn to all da attractive looking cookies. However, what I nevah really count on was da transformative power of da Ugly Cookie. Aiko said this experience had changed her: "Given, I might wanna try a cookie or a guy in the order in which I find them appealing, but the Ugly Cookie has taught me that the criteria I use to narrow them down maybe should be something other than just appearance."
It's funny cuz I nevah really notice da tag line on top da Ugly Cookies bag until she said that. Da tag line reads, "Itʻs whatʻs inside that counts!" True dat.
4-ounce bags or 5-ounce boxes $4-$6.50, 18-ounce jars $15.95-$17.95
Also available at KTA Superstores on da Big Island and Fisher Hawaii in Mapunapuna and Times Supermarkets on Oahu