‘H50’ no reality show

A cell phone works hundreds of feet under water — and in a submarine, no less.
An entrance stamp from a nightclub is readable by black light on a dead woman’s wrist.
And “Heroes” star Masi Oka is a medical examiner named Max Bergman.

The list of unbelievable things happening in CBS’ “Hawaii Five-O” makes for, well, interesting TV.

Last night’s episode, “Nalowale,” was no exception.

Hawaii has already been a center for terrorists. Now we have a sex trade ring right in Waikiki. And to top it off, the teenage daughter of the U.S. Ambassador to the Philippines is found dead off the coast of Waikiki — suspended like a mermaid and witnessed by tourists aboard the Atlantic submarine, no less — with an international Filipino terrorist group behind it.

Hmm.

Apparently, I’m not alone in my thinking.

On the Pop Watch blog on Entertainment Weekly online, Darren Franich wrote about a (hilarious) “Hawaii Five-O” bingo game.

“Scientists estimate that something ridiculous happens on ‘Hawaii Five-0’ roughly every five milliseconds. Every episode features hot chicks, hot dudes, malevolent gangsters, car chases, and shots of the Hawaiian coastline that will make you weep with envy. Daniel Dae Kim rides around on a massive motorcycle, Alex O’Loughlin executes some sort of incredible athletic feat of strength, Scott Caan snarks off, and Grace Park inevitably goes undercover in some sort of skimpy outfit. Lessons are learned. Family values are upheld in the most risque manner possible.”

So you can play bingo with the show. Mark it off whenever O’Loughlin shows off his abs. (This episode, check.) Or whenever anyone says, “Book ’em, Danno.” (Check, check)

I suppose it’s just entertainment and I need to accept the show as that — and only that.

And with this new bingo game, I now have a new purpose: to win blackout.

Highlights of Monday’s show:

• Scott Caan’s retort about Ms. Pac-Man and what level he’s reached: “Triple banana, bitch.” Love it.
• The Hawaii Hula Chair’s infomercial goes national — again
• O’Loughlin’s sister, played by Taryn Manning, gets abducted. Twitter from @harrycovair: “Save the sister, save the world.” Made my night.

***

To read all of Cat’s blogs, visit www.nonstophonolulu.com/thedailydish. Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@nonstophonolulu.com.

RECENT BLOG POSTS
Top 10 best memories of Europe
DISH DOES EUROPE: Last days in London
DISH DOES EUROPE: London by foot
DISH DOES EUROPE: Hello, London
DISH DOES EUROPE: Au revoir, Paris
DISH DOES EUROPE: Paris
DISH DOES EUROPE: Leaving Avignon
DISH DOES EUROPE: Avignon