Question: This is so embarrassing I didn’t want to ask my friends about it, so I’m going to ask you, Dr. Dish. I found some explicit text messages on my boyfriend’s cell phone from someone I don’t know. It is just a phone number (no name) and I have been tempted to call it. I haven’t told my boyfriend about it because I do not want him to know that I looked at his cell phone. What should I do?
Answer: Well, you don’t have too many options. You can either confess you looked at his cell phone — which you did and you should probably own up to it — and have a serious discussion about trust and honesty. Or you can ignore what you did — and what he did — and pretend it didn’t happen.
Of course, you know the second option isn’t that easy — or effective, especially if 1) he is cheating and 2) you don’t trust him.
You could easily end up like Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, who’s in the middle of a sexting scandal. Allegedly Woods’ mistress Joslyn James released extremely graphic text messages she collected while engaged in an affair with the pro golfer. (She posted more than 100 of them on her Web site, www.sextingjoslynjames.com. Yeah, she’s really hurt by all this.) Nordegren didn’t know — allegedly — about all these text messages and sexual escapades. Now she stands to inherit more money than most A-list celebrities make in a single career.
Not to say that your boyfriend is actually cheating on you (or that you’ll win millions of dollars in a break-up settlement.) You just need to find out the truth. The thing is you have to also confess what you did — and that’s going to break his trust in you, too.
This is a tough one. My advice is tell the truth. You may as well set the example for him to be honest, too.